Better Apart by Gabrielle Hartley

Author:Gabrielle Hartley
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2018-11-28T16:00:00+00:00

Forgiveness and Betrayal

Joyce came into my office before she’d decided to file for divorce. I remember when she came in and said, “Something just doesn’t feel right.” We spoke about her options, and I explained my preference for a nontoxic approach if she did decide to end her marriage. She left and I didn’t hear anything from her for a few months.

One day she called and said she was ready to file. Things with her husband, Darren, had gone from bad to worse. During one conversation, he’d accused her of cheating. A lightbulb went off in Joyce’s head. “Are you having an affair?” she asked him. Darren went silent—and that’s when Joyce knew. Although he insisted the affair was over and that the woman was no longer working in his office, when Joyce told him the next day she wanted a divorce, Darren seemed relieved. They worked with a mediator and were able to agree on all facets of their agreement. While the finishing touches were being made on their agreement, however, Joyce made a discovery: Darren’s affair wasn’t over, as he’d said it was.

And it wasn’t with a woman at work, as he’d previously indicated. Darren’s affair had been with Joyce’s best friend. And she was pregnant.

This was one of the very few times in my work as an attorney that I experienced anger at a client’s ex. Joyce, though, wanted to move forward with the agreement as it was. Impressively, she’d harnessed what appeared to be a superhuman source of strength. She shared with me that, long ago, she’d learned the power of choice. She realized that she couldn’t control what others did; she could only control what she did.

Joyce and Darren came to a peaceful agreement of shared custody, temporarily arranging to nest (minus the new girlfriend). To clarify, in divorce cases, nesting means the children stay in the family home, and the parents come in and out when it’s their turn to be with the kids. As her lawyer, I wanted to be sure it was what she truly wanted—not something she felt obliged to do out of a misguided sense of generosity.

And in the end, Joyce granted herself the ultimate justice by embracing the opportunity to start fresh with a man who’d disrespected her so deeply. She continued to support and respect him as the father of their children, but rather than succumbing to anger or bitterness, Joyce practiced forgiveness for her ex and his actions, which landed her in what I deemed to be an extraordinary state of compassion. Her family still enjoys the benefits of this gift to this day.

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